A Special Message to New Fathers
While this time can be challenging for new fathers, it can
also be uniquely rewarding.
Adjusting Priorities
Just as mothers occasionally need to readjust their
priorities, fathers now have a golden opportunity to show more of their
nurturing side by caring for Mom, the baby, and possibly other siblings.
Although not all fathers have the option of paternity leave from work, those
who do and take advantage of it may find it priceless. If Mom was the center of
a sibling’s universe and Dad was only an afterthought, Dad may suddenly be more
“cool” once a newborn comes home. By adjusting his priorities (at home and at
work) and “rising to the occasion,” Dad can strengthen an already strong bond
with Mom as well as with the new child. By working as a team, parenting couples
may be amazed at how well they can adapt to their new, stressful circumstances.
Teamwork
Of course, balancing the seemingly constant demands of the
baby, the needs of other children, and the household chores is not always easy.
Nights spent feeding, diapering, and walking the floor with a crying baby can
quickly take their toll in fatigue for both parents. But by working as a team
to relieve each other for naps, for exercise, and for “downtime,” parenting
couples might find that even though they share less “quality time” together,
they may actually feel closer than ever. Sometimes there may be conflict and
jealous feelings. These are normal, and thankfully, temporary. Life soon
settles into a fairly regular routine that will once again give you some time
to yourselves and restore your sex life and social activities to normal.
Meanwhile, make an effort for just the two of you to spend some time together
each day enjoying each other’s company while the baby is sleeping or somebody
else is caring for her. Remember, you’re entitled to hold, hug, cuddle, and
kiss each other as well as the baby.
Playing with Baby
A positive way for men to deal with these issues is to
become as involved as possible in caring for and playing with the new baby.
When you spend this extra time with your child, you’ll get just as emotionally
attached to her as her mother will.
This is not to say that moms and dads play with babies the
same way. In general, fathers play to arouse and excite their babies, while
mothers generally concentrate on more low- key stimulation such as gentle
rocking, quiet interactive games, singing, and soothing activities. From the
baby’s viewpoint, both play styles are equally valuable and complement each
other beautifully, which is another reason why it’s so important to have both
of you involved in the care of the baby.
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